


Who I am Inside

by Spunky0ne



Category: Bleach
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-06-07
Updated: 2012-06-18
Packaged: 2017-11-07 05:04:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/427177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spunky0ne/pseuds/Spunky0ne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After being attacked by a strange hollow, Byakuya and Renji suffer an unusual effect. As they seek a cure together, they discover much they did not realize about each other and themselves...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. We Meet Again

Abarai Renji walked to work slowly, conflicted about what awaited him at the Squad Six Office. It had been one week since Rukia's rescue, since Aizen Sousuke's departure for Las Noches and since his taichou's injury. Byakuya had been hospitalized for several days after and Renji had remained there to keep him company, bring him tea and to try to lift his spirits, but he felt as though his efforts had been wasted. Kuchiki Taichou had barely spoken to him or anyone else since baring his soul to Rukia on the day of his injury. And Renji was pretty nearly convinced he had only done that because he had been convinced he was dying.

Renji knew it had been close. The difference between his being saved and bleeding out on the ground on Sokyoku Hill had been a matter of a few scant minutes. Had his treatment been delayed any longer, then Kuchiki Taichou would have died and Renji's guilt would be even greater than it already was. Because as much as he felt that it had been necessary for him to meet his taichou in battle, seeing Byakuya nearly killed had shaken him badly. He wasn't certain when his feelings about his taichou had changed, but he knew he felt different now. And that left him feeling less than certain about what to say when he reached the office and he and Kuchiki Taichou held the conversation he had been dreading.

Because the conversation started in the healing center and interrupted by Ichigo still hadn't been finished. There was still much to be resolved. But how to get from where they stood to where they needed to be…Renji wasn't sure if they even could. But he knew they had to try.

He reached the front steps and felt his heart speed up. He felt his taichou's calm reiatsu and felt also that his presence had been sensed. There was no use in delaying the inevitable. He was just going to have to make himself move. He continued up the steps and entered the office, smiling tentatively at Byakuya and giving him what he meant to be an ordinary greeting.

"Good morning, Taichou."

He hated the fact that there was a slight tremor in his voice when he said it. He didn't want to make things harder than they already were.

"Good morning, Renji," Byakuya answered.

Renji heard the note of uncertainty beneath the calm and felt a pang of sadness. He didn't want there to be unease between them. He wanted badly to fix things. He moved quickly into the hallway and went to make tea. When he returned, Byakuya was deeply entrenched in his paperwork. Renji set the tea near his elbow as always and started to withdraw to his desk. As he set his tea down and started to drop into his chair, he felt the dark eyes rising and coming to rest on him. He looked up and met the noble's unreadable eyes.

"Renji," he said quietly, "I think we need to discuss a few things…before we move forward."

Renji swallowed hard.

"Hai, Taichou," he replied, shivering slightly under the weight of Byakuya's gaze.

"First," said Byakuya, "I want to thank you for your company while I was recovering. You didn't have to do that, but…I am…appreciative."

"I…wanted to stay, Taichou."

Byakuya nodded.

"And I am glad to have had the company. I was hoping that you would allow me to show my appreciation by inviting you to Kuchiki Manor for dinner tonight."

Renji blinked in surprise.

"You want me to have dinner with you? At your manor?"

He wanted to kick himself for the hesitation. He should have accepted immediately, but he'd been so surprised…

"We could go out," Byakuya suggested, "but I thought you might enjoy something prepared by my staff."

"Oh…Taichou, sorry, I was just surprised. I mean, I didn't expect…I mean, uh, yes, I would like that."

"Very well," Byakuya said, summoning a hell butterfly, "I will inform my staff to expect us. The rest of what I wished to discuss can wait until then."

Renji ached to asked what he meant by that, but not wanting to risk annoying his taichou, he thought it best to wait and find out later. It was only one workday. He could manage for that long.

"There is a list of items needed from the fourth division on your desk. If you could send a courier for them and then address the backdated reports that piled up while we were gone, that would be good."

Renji sighed softly and picked up the requisition. After sending the courier, he returned to his desk and bent over the reports, trying not to notice the aches and pains that lingered in his body. And watching out of the corner of his eye when Byakuya rose to stretch and place his outgoing reports in the mailbox, he could see the slight imperfection in his gait and the very slight look of discomfort that touched his features. It was obvious that Byakuya was feeling the pain of his wounds as well.

So Renji could not contain his surprise when the hell butterfly arrived ordering their squad to Hueco Mundo to stand guard over the shinigami base being constructed for the purpose of surveillance and attack. Surely Soutaichou had not forgotten the seriousness of their wounds…and how little time they had had to heal. He stifled the words he longed to say, the questions he wanted to ask and followed Kuchiki Taichou silently, with a group of eighty or so others behind them. They traveled in near silence to the senkaimon, then out onto the dull, quiet sands of Hueco Mundo.

Renji studied the sight of Las Noches in the distance, remembering the cold, calm voice of Aizen Sosuke, the tearing of his flesh and the shock of seeing Byakuya fall to his knees, held tightly in Rukia's arms. A shiver went down his spine and he longed to be anywhere else. He felt Byakuya's eyes on him and met them questioningly.

"Abarai fukutaichou," his taichou said, "you and I will scout to the north. Groups two and three will monitor the west and east. The rest are to remain within the outpost, rotating coverage of the battlements and reporting in to us every hour or upon the discovery of anything important. Understood?"

"Hai, Taichou!" the men shouted.

The groups broke away and Renji turned to follow Byakuya to the north. The area seemed quiet and they sensed no hollows nearby, but seeing Las Noches so near them made the blood burn beneath Renji's skin and left him with an aching restless feeling. Although his taichou managed to look unaffected, his reiatsu pulsed and swelled fitfully. Renji followed his gaze to the fortress and he wondered briefly what Byakuya might be thinking. As if reading Renji's mind, Byakuya spoke suddenly, startling him.

"They are watching," he said softly, "If you focus, you can feel their eyes. They wait for us to lower our guard but for a moment…and then they will appear as if from nowhere."

"But we have not sensed them nearby," Renji said quietly, "Wouldn't we have sensed them if they were within striking distance?"

Byakuya shook his head.

"This is the home of the hollows. They make and manipulate the rules here. One cannot completely trust what is seen at the surface, because lies and illusions are the rule here. Do not let your guard down, Renji…not for a moment."

"Hai, Taichou," Renji replied, "not for a moment."

They moved a short distance more in the direction of the fortress, then stopped as an odd breeze rose around them, tugging at uniforms and hair, whipping them about. The sand was lifted and they tightened their cloaks around to protect them from the assault. As they finished their survey and turned back, the reiatsu rose around them ominously. There was only time for a sharp hiss of warning from Byakuya and the creature was upon them. It appeared so swiftly that Renji could not pull Zabimaru free before the creature had him in his talons and bit down into his shoulder. Renji screamed in pain and sensed Byakuya's kido attack, but could not move to extricate himself. The creature was blown off his feet and Renji saw a flash of movement as Byakuya moved in for the kill.

Unbelieveably, the creature dodged him as Senbonzakura came down and the only thing that kept Byakuya from a being dealt a direct hit was that he realized what was happening and rolled aside, cursing as the creature's teeth tore his sleeve and the skin beneath it. Immediately, he dealt it another savage blast of kido and the creature backed away, growling.

The sand swirled, hiding the creature's lean leonine form and Byakuya moved closer to Renji, telling him to watch for movement as he checked the injury to the redhead's shoulder. He held the torn fabric of Renji's shihakushou to the wound, applying direct pressure to stop the flow of blood.

"Are you all right?" Byakuya asked, and Renji heard the unfamiliar note of fear in his voice.

Byakuya's hand was trembling slightly.

Whatever thoughts might have registered about that disappeared as the hollow attacked again, this time in a swirl of sand that concealed it until it was nearly on top of them. Byakuya threw himself onto Renji, forcing him down and the redhead felt a deep tension in Byakuya's body as the creature's claws raked down his back. With a strangled cry, he turned and drove Senbonzakura into the creature's body, releasing the weapon as it sank its teeth deeply into Byakuya's other arm. Both Byakuya and the hollow screamed in pain. Luckily the attack seemed to frighten the hollow, which raced away in a torrent of wind and sand. Byakuya dropped to the ground, stifling a groan as his blade re-formed.

Renji was at his side in a flash, leaning over him and holding back a gasp at the sight of the deep cuts on his back, shoulder and arm. He breathed a warning for Byakuya to remain still and, his eyes still watchful, he acted quickly to stop the bleeding and apply field dressings to the wounds. Sitting up slowly, Byakuya ordered Renji to sit still as he bound the redhead's wounds. The two then rose and, sensing no further enemies, returned to the outpost. Byakuya notified all group leaders of the creature's description and attack style and ordered everyone to work in groups of four or more with at least one seated officer in each group. Then he and Renji reported to the healing office and had their wounds cleaned, healed and dressed.

"I noticed an odd feel to the reiatsu around your wounds," the healer told them, "I want the two of you under quarantine until morning. You can share the quarantine room, but we need to keep you away from everyone else until I can identify this. I will send word to Soutaichou to send a replacement group and have you transferred to the Seireitei tomorrow."

"I hardly think that's necessary," Byakuya objected, "The injuries are not that serious and I feel fine."

"Yes," said the healer, "well that could change during the night. We have to be careful. There are some really odd hollows out here and we've seen some creepy stuff. Not to worry you, but just to say, I know what I'm talking about here!"

Sighing impatiently, Byakuya followed the healer to the quarantine area, followed by a silent and somewhat pale looking Abarai Renji. They settled into their beds and Renji glanced over at Byakuya, noting the bored, blank stare.

"Taichou," he said softly, "you're probably already bored out of your mind, what after already being in the healing center for a week, ne?"

Byakuya sighed.

"Yes, actually," he admitted, "I can only spend so much time mentally reviewing what to do when we are released…and I don't know what we'll do as we're being transferred back…"

"Would you like me to make you some tea?" Renji asked, "They left some stuff in here for that."

Byakuya nodded.

"Arigato, Renji, tea would be…something to keep me busy…"

He slipped out of bed, still moving somewhat gingerly. Several minutes later, he set the tea at Byakuya's side and started to turn away.

"Abarai, wait a moment," Byakuya said softly.

Renji turned back, looking into the dark gray eyes and feeling an odd tickle in his stomach.

"Taichou?"

"Will you sit down for a moment?" Byakuya asked.

"Sure thing, Taichou," he replied, dropping into the chair next to Byakuya's bed.

Byakuya sipped his tea and sat quietly for a moment, gathering his thoughts.

"Renji, there's something I've been wanting to ask you about. I was planning to ask when you came to the manor for dinner, but seeing as our dinner has been put on hold, I was thinking that I would rather not wait."

The odd feeling in Renji's stomach intensified as he continued to look into the deep, gray eyes. He looked uncomfortable, as if he feared what Renji might say in response to his question. Renji had to wonder what would make his taichou so ill at ease. He smiled encouragingly.

"When I was in the healing center, you started to tell me something. You might remember that I asked you why you were there…and you said…"

"Because you are my taichou," Renji finished.

Byakuya nodded.

"Then I said that you probably wished I was dead…and you said that you did not…but then…"

"Ichigo burst in and cut off what I was going to say," Renji finished, "I could have killed him for that."

He was surprised to see a smile tug at the corners of Byakuya's mouth. His stomach twitched almost painfully.

"I understand the feeling," he said softly, "In any case, I kept wondering after that. What was it that you were going to say to me, Renji?"

He had, of course, been expecting the question. But hearing it in actuality sent all of his possible planned replies out the window. He tried desperately to gather his scattered thoughts as he continued to gaze into the beautiful gray eyes. Only half aware, he opened his mouth and let the words come as they appeared.

"Taichou," he said quietly, "I really just wanted to say…that I am grateful to you."

Byakuya's eyes widened in surprise.

"I…don't understand," he said, looking confused, "I didn't do anything right. I didn't protect her. I nearly killed you and Ichigo. I…"

"…stood between Rukia and death when it really counted…when no one else could. And you did it with no concern for yourself…rather recklessly, I might add. But it made me wish…that in that moment, the first moment when I ever felt like you really needed me…I wish I could have been there to stop you from getting hurt."

His taichou's eyes clouded for a moment and then became unreadable. He looked down at the tea in his hands.

"Arigato, Renji," he said softly, "but you shouldn't blame yourself. I only got what I deserved…no, because if I had gotten what I truly deserved, I would not be here…"

Renji found that he was surprised at his own boldness as he slipped a warm hand into Byakuya's and squeezed it gently. The noble looked down at their joined hands for a moment, then back up at Renji.

"Please don't say that," Renji said softly, "it isn't true. We made our choices, some good and some bad, Taichou. But we came through it. We need to move forward now. I hope that we can. I know that going back to work today after all that happened was strange, but…I really want things to be like they were…"

He paused, looking down at their joined hands.

"No…actually, I want things to be better…"

The look in his Taichou's eyes gave Renji every reason to believe that they would be.


	2. Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Byakuya and Renji return to the Seireitei, but quickly discover that something is very wrong with them...

_Abarai Renji bent against a driving desert wind, hearing the howl of it and knowing he was in deep shit. The creature was somewhere in the haze of sand and wind. It was coming for him, but he couldn't sense the direction. Blood ran in streams down his body and sank into the sand at his feet. He knew that Byakuya was somewhere nearby, but for some reason, his taichou had disappeared into the dust and darkness. He no longer felt the protective power swelling beside him, the weight of dark gray eyes, the calm in the midst of the storm. He felt alone and scared…vulnerable._

_He sensed the creature coming a moment too late and felt shock pass through him as it appeared suddenly in front of him. He screamed for his taichou and as the claws reached for him, he felt himself dragged off his feet, forced to the ground and shielded. He felt the warmth of his taichou's body, extended over his, protecting him and offering itself to the beast instead. It tore into the soft, pale flesh, and his taichou's body recoiled in agony. He could hear and feel the hard vibration of the noble's pained cry. Byakuya's body went taut against his, then slowly relaxed as the beast disappeared into the sand. Renji felt something warm leaking onto his skin and turned._

_Byakuya was bleeding…_

_Renji took his taichou in his arms and called his name, but Byakuya's eyes remained closed and Renji could not wake him. A moment later, he froze with Byakuya in his arms, realizing that Byakuya wasn't breathing…his heart had stopped beating…_

_Renji screamed his name over and over._

"Byakuya!" Renji screamed, "Byakuya!"

Byakuya's eyes flew open and he was on his feet instantly. He flash stepped across the hospital room to Renji's side and a moment later, realized that his fukutaichou was having an awful nightmare. He found it odd that Renji hadn't said 'taichou' as Byakuya would have expected. He was screaming Byakuya's name…in desperation. He climbed onto the bed next to Renji and pulled him close.

"Abarai Renji, wake up," he said, squeezing the trembling body and holding it close to his own, "Renji, Renji, it's only a dream."

The brown eyes flew open and gazed up at Byakuya, entranced by the sight of the long strands of raven black hair that danced around his face and shoulders, by the concern in his eyes and the tightness with which he was being held by those soft, pale hands. Dizzy with relief, Renji pulled Byakuya to him and, for no reason he could fathom, suddenly found himself capturing the noble's warm, sweet lips, kissing him over and over, his body shaking with relief that Byakuya was still alive. It was only several moments later, that he stopped himself in shock at what he was doing. Another jolt passed through him as he realized that, not only had he just been kissing his taichou rather passionately, but, Byakuya had frozen…had hesitated…had not pushed him away… and had, in fact after that moment of hesitation, begun to return Renji's kisses…and was staring at him in wonder at what they had done. For just a moment, Renji glimpsed something he never had before…a momentary removal of the mask he wore, one split second of absolute honesty…then Byakuya pulled away and all of his defenses snapped back into place. He stood, leaning slightly against the edge of the bed, frowning and blinking, as if just awakening from a dream of his own.

"It was just a dream, Abarai," he said in a very low, guarded tone that sent a shiver through Renji, "Go back to sleep."

But he couldn't sleep after that. And it wasn't just the awful dream he had experienced. He still felt the warmth and intensity of that perfect mouth against his…and judging by Byakuya's riled reiatsu, he was still feeling it too. They lay for the rest of the night, eyes closed and unable to sleep.

Renji couldn't quite suppress a shiver at the sight of the crimson wounds that tainted the white skin of Byakuya's back and shoulders. He watched out of the corner of his eye as his taichou's wounds were cleaned and bound again. Byakuya never flinched or changed expression, but Renji felt the concealed pain in the tightness with which Byakuya controlled his reiatsu, in the very soft catch in his breath when he stood.

"Are you ready to leave, Abarai?" he asked quietly.

Renji nodded, his own wounds having been addressed first on Byakuya's order. He followed Byakuya out of the healing office and back to the meeting area where the rest of the squad waited. The senkaimon opened before them and they crossed through the precipice and into the Seireitei. Renji turned to follow the others as they started back to the Squad Six Headquarters, but then he felt Byakuya's hand on his arm and stopped, turning back to face the noble.

"We have been ordered to take several days leave to finish our healing. If you would like, you may spend that time in Kuchiki Manor. I have healers on staff and facilities appropriate for our recuperation…if you wish."

Renji stared in surprise. He hadn't been expecting the leave time or such an offer. But he couldn't…could he? Kuchiki Manor was beautiful, the most beautiful home he had ever set foot in. He had only been there a few times…very brief visits to pick things up or drop them off, never socially.

"Renji…are you all right?" Byakuya asked, gazing at him curiously, "Perhaps I should take you to the fourth division. You look pale."

"No," he managed, tripping over his tongue.

He felt weak and shaky and all of a sudden desperate to escape the sight of those eyes, the touch of those hands before he did something very, very stupid. Uttering a short, gasped apology, he flash stepped away, not stopping until he reached the safety of his apartment and slammed and locked the door. He stood with his back against it, shaking and sweating. He knew he must be feverish. He was shivering uncontrollably and spots danced before his eyes. He slid slowly down the door, dropping to the floor and collapsing entirely.

Byakuya stared after Renji as his fukutaichou disappeared, then stood, wanting to kick himself for scaring the hell out of him like that. He hadn't meant to, of course. He had only thought that he and Renji could both use the healing abilities of his personal staff, and the manor did contain everything they needed to remain comfortable as they healed. But he shouldn't have offered…not after…what had happened.

A shiver went through him. It was obvious enough that Renji had kissed him by mistake. He had been overwrought by the nightmare and had done it on impulse. And Byakuya should have simply pushed him gently away and brushed it off. The problem was that his own response had complicated things. His hesitation, his choice to kiss Renji back had caused this. And the worst part was, Kuchiki Byakuya wasn't at all certain why he had done it. He hadn't entertained romantic thoughts about Renji, hadn't been thinking of kissing him. And when Renji screamed his name, he could only think of getting to the redhead, holding him close and chasing away the terror. He was shocked when Renji turned in his arms and pressed those incredibly warm and desperate lips to his. And he was stunned at what passed through, not just his body, but his heart under the spell of that kiss.

But he shouldn't have kissed Renji back. It was wrong that he had felt his body weaken and his heart skip. It was wrong that he had wanted so much for that lovely sensation of warmth and affection to continue…to deepen…

He shook his head to clear the thoughts away. It was ridiculous. Renji was a man, his subordinate and not a noble. If the elders had objected to his marriage to Hisana and his decision to adopt Rukia into the family, they would have his head for falling in love with Renji. Such a thing was doomed from the outset…not to mention, Renji had kissed him by mistake and apparently regretted it. Why else would he have responded to his invitation with such…vehemence? He had run away as though terrified that Byakuya would suggest such a thing. And Byakuya felt a wave of self-revulsion pass over him at having so offended Renji that he would flee like that. Now, the fragile bridge they had begun to build between them was likely to crumble. He wondered if the redhead would feel that he couldn't work with him after that…would leave the division.

He realized suddenly that he had gone beyond the manor and was near the Squad Six Headquarters. He thought about going there and seeing if perhaps Renji was there, so he could…could…what?

He felt a shudder of cold beneath his skin, odd flashes of heat and the feeling of being disoriented. There were others nearby, but their voices became garbled and incomprehensible. A hand touched his arm and Byakuya felt his legs give way beneath him. The air went mercifully dark around him and he felt himself being lifted and carried somewhere cool and bright, placed in a comfortable bed and bathed in healing light. Voices said his name and he did try to rise out of the darkness to answer, but his body felt frozen and immobile, his thoughts scattered. He couldn't remember exactly where he was or what had happened. Everything had become hazy and dim. Finally, the feeling overwhelmed him and carried him off into silence and stillness.

Byakuya woke again to find himself cold and shaking, huddled on the floor somewhere somewhat dark and quiet. He forced his eyes open and realized that he was lying in a heap on the floor of an unfamiliar room that smelled vaguely like Renji. His haori, gloves and scarf were gone and he was dressed in just a plain shihakushou…and it wasn't his…

He sat up and reached up to rub his spinning head. His hand bumped into a thick bunch of hair held back by a hair tie. He removed it instinctively and got the shock of his life as he found his face suddenly covered in thick, red hair.

_Red…hair…_

He caught his breath in surprise and got up too fast. He fell immediately and dizziness swept over him. He crawled to an open door that he prayed was the washroom and collapsed on the floor breathing deeply. He had just managed to lift himself off of the floor when a wave of nausea took hold of him. He barely managed to reach the toilet in time to empty his stomach, then collapsed on the floor again in a very undignified heap.

He lay there, shaking and panting softly for several minutes. Slowly, the dizzy sensation left him and he could sit up again. He worked his way to his feet and very slowly turned to look at his face in the mirror. His eyes widened in sudden realization and the breath suddenly left his body in a choked, rough cry. Numbness swept through him and his legs gave way again. His last thought as he entered the darkness was that he hoped, for kami's sake that this was just a dream. It had to be a dream. He couldn't have seen what he thought he had in that mirror. There was no way that he could have seen Renji's face…

It had to be a dream…

It had to be…

XXXXXXXXXX

"You're going to be fine now, Nii-sama," Renji heard Rukia say softly.

He felt her hand on his face and opened his eyes.

"R-Rukia?"

He gasped and grabbed at his throat, prompting Rukia to bolt from the room, calling for a healer.

"Rukia, wait!" he cried, then stopped again, going wide-eyed at the sound of his voice.

It wasn't even his voice. He looked down at the hand he had lifted to his throat and felt shock pass through him. The hand wasn't his either. He looked up sharply as the door was thrown open and a healer ran into the room, followed by a frantic looking Rukia.

"What the fuck?" he yelled.

At that, Rukia's eyes flew open wider and her mouth opened in surprise.

"What the hell is going on here?" Renji yelled at her.

He stopped himself. Both Rukia and the healer were staring at him as though he had gone crazy…and Renji wasn't sure if maybe he hadn't gone crazy. He looked down again and caught sight of long silken strands of raven black hair, pale hands…not his…Byakuya's! And Rukia and the healer obviously saw the same thing he did.

"N-Nii-sama," Rukia said cautiously, taking a step toward him, her eyes still wide and frightened, "Are…are you…all right?"

Renji's mind whirled. This couldn't be happening. There was no fucking way that this could be happening! But Rukia and the healer kept talking to him in calm, quiet voices, reassuring him that he had merely collapsed from illness and exhaustion because of his injury in Hueco Mundo, and that all he needed was some rest. They kept calling him Kuchiki Taichou and Nii-sama…

"Shit," he whispered, too softly for the others to hear, "Holy, fucking shit…"

He wondered very suddenly where Byakuya's mind could be. If it wasn't in his own body then…

Oh, holy hell, no! He can't be…

He was on his feet in an instant and flash stepping past the objecting healer, past Rukia, bolting out of the healing center and down the street, only belatedly realizing that he was dressed in only a thin yukata and was barefoot.

"Oh crap!" he hissed and ran for his apartment, trying to ignore Rukia's voice calling after him and the curious stares he was getting.

Then suddenly, strong hands took hold of him and stopped him in his tracks.

"Sir, please stop!" the heavyset healer insisted, "You have to come back to the healing center. We'll get you fixed up and we'll let you go home when you are better, okay? Please, sir, stop struggling. You…can't leave yet!"

Other hands joined his and Renji felt himself being dragged back to the healing center. Sensing that he was fighting a losing battle, he gave in to them. He let himself be carried back into the healing center, back to his room, and set back in bed. He lay still as the healers leaned over him and examined him briefly. Then shock took hold of him as he was given an injection and the room started to fade around him.

"What the fuck?" he moaned, "What the hell did you do that for?"

"I've never heard him talk like that before," he heard Rukia say as his consciousness faded, "For a second, he sounded like Renji."

Byakuya woke to find himself still on the washroom floor. A quick examination told him he still had red hair, tanned skin and tattoos…He still looked like Renji. He sat with his back to the wall and his face in his hands.

_Impossible…I can't be…_

But he was. He was, he realized in Renji's apartment. He was on Renji's washroom floor. And…he was somehow…in Abarai Renji's body.

"They'll think I'm insane," he whispered, "No one will believe me."

No one except, perhaps…Renji.

But if he was in Renji's body and Renji's mind was not here…then…

_Kami, no!_


	3. Discovery and Exploration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Byakuya and Renji react to the discovery that they have been internally 'switched.'

When Renji opened his eyes again, he realized with a start that he was no longer in the healing center. He wasn't completely sure, but judging by the look of the room, the fact that it was spotlessly clean, the fine sheets and coverings on the bed, the smell of sakura around him and the sight of Senbonzakura in the stand near the bed…he had to be in Byakuya's bed.

"Kami, this can't be real!" he whispered, "I cannot be in Byakuya's body…in his mansion…in his bed. This is so not real!"

But even pinching himself did not wake him up, so Renji had to conclude that this was reality. And he decided that if reality was going to play games with him, then he was going to enjoy it. He did, however, have enough foresight to realize that people would know it wasn't Kuchiki Taichou if he didn't act and speak correctly. He had to try to act and sound like Byakuya. It was going to be unnatural as hell, but he knew that if he tried to tell anyone the truth about what had happened, he would be tossed in the loony bin, for certain.

Curious, Renji slipped out of Byakuya's bed and crossed the room to the dressing area near the bathroom. He stood in front of the mirror, looking at himself. Dark gray eyes looked back at him from underneath a fall of black hair…tumbled and unbrushed… _cute, for taichou_ , he thought. He admired the pale, white skin of his hands, arms, face, throat and legs…

"Beautiful," he murmured.

He swallowed hard, still staring at himself in the mirror. Heart pounding, he slowly removed the yukata he was wearing and felt his heart race even harder. He couldn't stop staring at the tall straight-backed body, the lovely perfect skin, silken hair, smoldering eyes…a slender, powerful body that looked deceptively delicate.

"Damn, Taichou!" he whispered appreciatively, "Just fucking beautiful!"

Too beautiful…so beautiful that it left him weak in the knees. So beautiful that he felt himself becoming aroused at the sight. His eyes slid slowly downward and widened at the sight of the thick arousal rising out of a nest of black curls.

"Shit…" he breathed, "I cannot fucking believe this!"

He stared at it for several long minutes before the ache in his loins became painful and, as much as he knew Byakuya would kill him for it, he needed relief…badly! He walked into the bathroom and closed and locked the door behind him. He stepped into the huge shower and turned the water on.

He was immediately doused from four directions at once with cold water. He jumped and swore, then shivered softly as he waited for the water to warm up. As it did, the sensation of the hot water running down onto his skin became heavenly. His loins still ached and throbbed…and the door was locked and he was alone. No longer able to resist, Renji reached down and gently touched the hardened erection. A sigh of pleasure escaped him and the fact that it was not his voice, but Byakuya's only made the feeling more exciting.

"Taichou, I really hope you never find out about this…" he whispered, "I know you would kill me!"

He wrapped his hand around, enjoying the softness of the skin and how sensitive it was. It responded immediately to the touch of his hand, growing harder and leaking drops of fluid from the blushing tip. He couldn't help releasing a groan of pleasure as he moved his hand up and down its length, slowing to run his fingertips over the soft sac at its base, then continuing to move up and down the long shaft. He was startled as the intense sensation caused a sudden rise in reiatsu. It was then that he realized that although he was in Byakuya's body, it didn't mean he had full control. It took him several seconds to control the blaze of power that coalesced around him so that the room stopped rumbling and he could return his attention to…other things. The ache in his loins was unbearable now and he had to wonder if that was because of him or if Kuchiki Taichou could actually have, and have to control such strong impulses. Renji wasn't one who considered there to be a need to control those kinds of impulses. He returned his hand to the now painfully swollen member and tried to calm his raging reiatsu while attempting to relieve that damned ache. He managed things quite well after that…until the pleasure overtook him and for a moment, her forgot about control and was swept away by the intensity of the sensation. He wondered briefly if it could be true that someone so controlled as Kuchiki Taichou could really have a body so sensitive and responsive. How could he? If Renji had to control such things on a daily basis, he knew he would be driven insane.

He felt the room rumble again and heard something fall over in the bedroom. As the pleasure rocketed through him. He tried again to ease the swell of reiatsu and managed to stop the shaking.

"How the fuck does Taichou manage this? Is this from not having sex for so many years?" he whispered.

Whatever the answer, he was relieved the problem was resolved, at least for the moment. Relaxed and more comfortable, he took his time washing every inch of the lovely, pale skin and massaging shampoo into the incredibly soft hair. By the time he finished washing from head to toe, he needed to relieve the pressure in those powerful loins one more time before leaving the shower. He managed the surging reiatsu much better this time and avoided breaking anything. Turning off the water, he stepped out of the shower and grabbed one of the thick, soft towels, which he wrapped around the slender waist, before stepping back into the dressing area. He chose a dark red yukata and put it on, then stood admiring the lovely body it was wrapped around. It was some time before he calmed enough to return to the soft, comfortable bed and fall asleep. As sleep overtook him, Renji was unsure whether he wanted to wake up back in his own body or…not!

XXXXXXXXXX

Byakuya started toward the door, but then caught sight of a clock and noted the late hour. It was unlikely that the staff at Kuchiki Manor would appreciate Renji barging in in the middle of the night. So, it seemed, he must wait for morning before going to confirm that Renji's mind was, indeed trapped in his body. He shivered and tried not to think of what Renji might be doing to his reputation…not to mention his belongings. Renji was an impulsive sort. He would likely feel the need to explore.

Byakuya felt a shiver pass through him as he considered just what form that exploration might take. He pushed the thought away and walked back into the bathroom, thinking a shower might relax him enough to get some sleep. He removed the shihakushou and dropped it in the clothesbasket, then turned on the water. While waiting for it to warm, he turned to the full-length mirror to examine the tattoos that ran everywhere on the redhead's lovely tanned skin. He turned one way, then the other, tracing the black markings with his fingers. He enjoyed the rough feeling of those fingers against the softer parts of his skin…

Byakuya stopped himself.

This isn't right.

He forced himself to step away from the mirror, but his mind kept replaying the image and his fingers still remembered tracing those hypnotic markings…

He shook his head, forcing the thoughts away and letting the water run into the long red hair. He took his time, washing carefully from head to toe, trying to ignore what the earlier exploration of Renji's tattoos had caused. It began as just a dull ache in his groin, but by the time he left the shower, it had become a much stronger sensation. He shook the feeling off and stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around himself and moving out into the room. He looked through the closet and dresser, but couldn't find anything resembling clothes suitable for sleeping. It was then that Kuchiki Byakuya had to surmise that his fukutaichou slept without clothing.

"Barbaric…" he sighed.

Not wanting to be uncomfortable, he simply removed the towel and started to climb into the bed. As he started to move beneath the covers, he felt suddenly uncomfortable and left the bed. He located a second set of sheets in the closet and replaced the rumpled ones that had been on the bed. He put fresh pillowcases on the pillows and settled into the bed again.

He found quickly that he couldn't fall asleep. The body he was in was alert and responsive, not at all relaxed, despite the shower. He closed his eyes and tried thinking calm thoughts. He looked around for a book to read, but found nothing of any interest. Frowning, he returned to the bed and turned his head so that he could look at the stars and moon outside. It took a significant amount of time and focus, but finally, he managed to get the strong, young body to relax and he dropped off to sleep.

_He found himself standing in the midst of a desert sandstorm, with the wind roaring around him, the sand striking the cloak that protected his body. He sensed that the creature was near and that his taichou was somewhere nearby. The growl of the beast gave him only the slightest bit of warning. He barely avoided being taken off his feet. But the creature turned with impossible speed and took hold of him, and suddenly he felt a sharp pain and blood flowed onto the dark, tanned skin, staining it with redness._

_"Renji!" a voice called._

_Something struck the creature that held him, sending it sprawling. It gained its feet and backed away slowly, still growling. He remained on his knees as it disappeared and felt himself going weak from the loss of blood._

_Suddenly, soft pale hands took hold of him and brought him down into the sand. A lovely face framed by whipping black hair tilted and dark, smoky eyes studied him with concern. Despite the awful pain in his body, he couldn't help but notice how beautiful his taichou was…and as those soft hands moved over him, healing his wounds, he looked up into the dark gray eyes longingly. They seemed to be getting closer, the soft voice growing more clear. The soft lips were so close he could almost taste them._

_"Kami, Taichou! You're so beautiful!" he whispered._

_He expected the other to frown and give him a sharp reprimand, but he was beyond caring. He only wanted so much to kiss those lips, to run his rough hands over that pristine skin, to taste him…_

_And he nearly jumped out of his skin when the lips curled into a smile and leaned forward to capture his. The kiss was sweet and tasted better than he could have imagined. He moaned in delight, opening his mouth and thrusting his tongue between the parted lips. It was sweet…so wonderful! And as they kissed, the soft, pale hands moved over his body, traveling every curve, touching him all over with such tenderness!_

_The hands found his swollen member and one wrapped around it, moving up and down its length with teasing slowness. Then that wonderful sweet mouth moved lower and, still bearing that beautiful smile, wrapped around the head. He couldn't stifle a groan of pleasure. It felt so damned good! He couldn't keep himself from thrusting into that unbelievably warm mouth. He was being overtaken with pleasure in beautiful, hot pulses._

Byakuya jumped awake, shot through with humiliation and stunned surprise at both the dream and waking up to the sensation of warm fluid pulsing out of him and onto his body. He sat up, gasping and trying to force the memory of the dream from his roiling mind.

The dream was so odd! He was Renji in the dream…and Byakuya in the dream acted in ways the noble was certain that he had never considered. It wasn't that he didn't feel anything for Renji, but such feelings would be wrong, wouldn't they? He wondered then, if the dream had really been a construct of his own mind or if it had somehow been triggered by Renji's body. He had been a bit aroused by the sight of Renji's tattoos. Perhaps that had triggered the dream. But it was so odd having been in Renji's body in the dream…having his own body doing things he would never dare to do…

He felt confused…confused, stunned and mortified. He wouldn't be able to go back to sleep…especially not with the sticky mess on his skin.

Sighing unhappily, he pushed back the covers and climbed out of bed. He returned to the shower and washed the mess away, then searched for yet another clean set of sheets. He found a somewhat threadbare set and put them on, then settled back into bed again.

He spent most of the rest of the night thinking about what to do. In the morning, he planned to go to Kuchiki Manor to find out for certain if Renji's mind could be in his body. And then came the task of figuring out how it had happened and how to fix it. He considered going to the twelfth division for help, but immediately discarded the idea. He hated the twelfth! And what was he supposed to say in explanation? But if not Kurotsuchi Taichou, then who could help them? Who wasn't going to say they were crazy?

Unable to find an answer and finally distracted from worrying about what dreams he would have, Byakuya drifted off to sleep. They would fix everything in the morning. In the morning, they would begin the search for answers.

XXXXXXXXXX

Renji was stunned and a little annoyed when he woke before sunrise. Unable to go back to sleep, he climbed out of bed and went to the dressing area, replacing the light sleeping yukata with a casual, but nice looking kimono. They had been told to take time off of work, so it wouldn't have made sense for him to dress in the shihakushou and haori. Hopefully, the situation would be reversed before he actually had to impersonate his taichou in front of so many people. Most probably, if Byakuya was trapped in his body, he would come to the manor sometime during the day. Until then, Renji planned to minimize his exposure to others. He was too likely to say the wrong things…and given that he was in his taichou's body, that could get him and Byakuya into serious trouble. No, the best thing to do was to wait right there in his room.

But then Renji smelled food being cooked and the garden outside beckoned…and he just couldn't help himself. He stepped out the garden doors and was immediately approached by someone who appeared to be an attendant of some kind. He bowed to Renji and smiled warmly.

"Good morning, Kuchiki-sama. Breakfast is ready. Would you like to eat out here in the garden, sir?"

"Yes, um…arigato. Out here will be nice…fine. It will be fine."

He felt himself slumping and corrected his posture as he moved to the table. The servant returned and laid out breakfast service for two.

"Good morning, Nii-sama," Rukia said, taking a seat across from him.

And Renji suddenly realized that he was in trouble. He had already blown it in front of Rukia once…

"You look much better this morning," she commented.

"You look pretty good, yourself."

He bit his tongue and forced himself to ignore Rukia's shocked expression.

"I mean, you look…well rested, Rukia. You must have slept well."

"I did, Nii-sama, arigato."

She was staring at him again with that odd expression and Renji realized that he had been eating too quickly. He forced himself to slow down and tried his best to eat properly. He must have managed some semblance of it…that or Rukia simply lost interest. She ate quietly, staring out into the gardens. After a time, she lifted her head and looked back at him. Then she said something that sent a bolt of panic racing through him.

"Oh, Nii-sama, I meant to tell you! You know how Renji and I auditioned for the musical competition to benefit the poor of the Rukongai? Well…don't tell Renji. I want to surprise him. Our group was chosen to compete!"


	4. Damage Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Byakuya and Renji begin to understand what has happened, though not why they have been switched.

"Hey…Renji. You gonna just lie there and sleep all day?"

Byakuya forced his eyes open, not able to quite believe that he was naked, lying in Renji's bed…in Renji's body…and looking up at Ichigo. For the first time since finding himself in Renji's body, Byakuya was pleased.

"Get the fuck out of my apartment, Ichigo! Don't you know how to knock? Or didn't they teach you that in kindergarten?"

He would have been humiliated when Ichigo tore the bedding away, but it wasn't his body…and it certainly wasn't anything for Renji to be ashamed of. At the sight of Renji's naked body, Ichigo burst into laughter.

"Augh!" he laughed, "Renji sleeps in the buff! Who knew?"

"Certainly not the likes of you!" Byakuya countered, "and if you'll recall, I just told you to get out."

The next thing he knew, his arm was taken, rather forcefully and he was half-dragged to the closet, where Ichigo proceeded to sift through the choices.

"Let's see," Ichigo said, as Byakuya stood with crossed arms and a glowering expression, "shihakushou, shihakushou, and lookie here…another…shihakushou!"

He shoved one of the uniforms into Byakuya's hands.

"Now get dressed, asshole! I didn't come all the way here to get thrown out of your apartment."

"I know I'll regret asking," Byakuya said icily, "but why are you here? Can the Seireitei be treated to a single day without you invading and making so much noise?"

Ichigo blinked.

"Who the hell are you?" he said, looking amused, "and where have you stashed Renji? Come on, I know he's here somewhere!"

"I am not getting dressed until you tell me why you are here, Kurosaki."

"Man, did you ever get up on the wrong side of the Kuchiki today!"

Byakuya blinked in surprise, unable to think of an answer.

_He can't…know…can he?_

"Wh—what?"

He kicked himself, mentally.

"Did…you…wake…up…on …the…wrong…side…of…your…taichou?" Ichigo said slowly, "You know…Kuchiki Taichou? The Ice Prince? The one you admitted to me would be the one guy you would actually go to bed with if he asked you to?"

"Fuck you, I was drunk."

It was the only response he could think of…and he thought it might be true.

"Yeah, right. Look, would you stop screwing around and get dressed? We've got somewhere to be."

"All right," said a feminine voice from the doorway, "what are you two clowns doing?"

Byakuya barely held onto his composure.

"One of us," he said snappishly, "is attempting to get dressed. Now, will the two of you get the hell out of my apartment?"

Rukia burst into laughter, but mercifully came in and closed the door behind her.

"What's your problem?" she giggled, "Like you have anything I haven't seen!"

Byakuya did a double take.

"I'll kill him!" he said, then froze as two heads turned and stared.

"Who?" Rukia asked.

She was starting to look genuinely concerned.

"Are you feverish? Byakuya told me you were hurt in Hueco Mundo," she said, stepping closer and moving to examine his wounds.

"I'm…fine!" he exclaimed, pulling away and starting to pull on his shihakushou.

"If you're so fine, then why the shihakushou?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

Byakuya paused, realizing for the first time that neither Rukia nor Ichigo was dressed in uniform. Recalling that he had seen some casual clothes in the dresser, he went to it and pulled out a pair of jeans and put them on.

"Thank you!" exclaimed Ichigo, "Your glowing ass was blinding me."

"Not that one," Rukia said, taking the shirt from his hand.

She picked out a shirt and vest that Byakuya had to agree, did look very tempting…on Renji, of course.

"If you're going to be a rock star, you need to look the part," she said, smiling.

"Right…a rock star?" he repeated, wondering what he had missed.

Rukia and Ichigo were smiling widely.

"What?" he asked, mystified.

"They accepted our entry!" Rukia exclaimed, "We're in the competition!"

She threw her arms around him excitedly.

"C-competition?"

"The musical competition…duh! Remember? The one we auditioned for?"

And Byakuya suddenly remembered.

He took several days off to prepare…I heard him practicing, and he was…singing…well…

"You know, I don't feel so…"

"Come on!" Rukia said, grabbing his arm and dragging him toward the door, "If we're going to play, we need to start practicing!"

He realized that if he didn't go now, he would look suspicious. He knew the competition was important to Renji…still…He couldn't…

But he was being dragged in that direction, with Ichigo and Rukia shoving him along. He forced out a breath and followed, suddenly very unnerved. They flash stepped across the Seireitei to the senkaimon and crossed over into the living world. They made their way to the downtown area and entered a small musical store.

"In the back are the practice studios," Ichigo explained, "I thought it would be good to have someplace to go to pick out which song. The guys are meeting us here."

Byakuya felt his body going numb and panic was setting in. He managed another breath as Chad, Uryuu and Orihime appeared ahead of them. He followed them into the practice studio and was led to a seat by Rukia. She was looking at him with unusual concern again.

"Renji…you don't look so good. Maybe you should…"

"What are you, his mom?" Ichigo complained, "He's fine! Now, let's get practicing!"

The air was split with the sounds of electric guitars wailing as the others warmed up. Byakuya sat, pale faced and having no idea what to do. Luckily…or unluckily, Rukia was there to help.

"Warm up your voice, Renji. You are singing…you had the best voice of all of us."

He got up and fled into the small washroom next to them…stopping to stare into the mirror. He blinked slowly, praying that the scene would change, that he would find himself back at home…

"Good idea…You need to fix that hair!"

The next thing he knew, Rukia was combing through the long red strands. He stood perfectly still, taking slow breaths and looking at their reflection in the mirror. He saw it then…the affection…the mutual protection. There was love in the way she sifted through his hair. She wasn't even pulling hard. He turned to look at her and she stopped brushing and stared back at him.

"This…is important to you…" he said softly.

Her smile faded.

"It's important to both of us, Renji," she said, sounding serious, "So many of our friends died there. And you and I remember every one."

As she went down the list of names, Byakuya felt something strange happening. Faces appeared in his mind. He could see Renji's memories. He swallowed hard and realized suddenly that there were tears in his eyes.

"I know," Rukia whispered, hugging him, "I feel the same. But even though we couldn't save them…maybe we can stop it from happening to someone else. Come on."

"Wait," he said quietly.

He turned and spend a few minutes working the back of his hair into a long braid and leaving long wisps around his face. He turned back to Rukia and her mouth turned into a beautiful smile.

"You look really good," she said, raising an eyebrow, "Now let's go warm up."

He followed her back to the practice room. She led him to a quiet, enclosed room.

"We should start with something slow…to get you warmed up. There's time for hard rock later."

Byakuya sat down in the chair next to the microphone, gazing up at her.

"Rukia," he said, watching closely as she turned and met his eyes.

She was waiting for him to go on. He thought for a moment.

"I love the loud stuff as much as you do," he went on, "but if we want to win this competition, we need to show our unique ability…the full range of it."

"You mean something slower? A power ballad or something?" she suggested, "We can give that some thought. Here…get warmed up. I'll be back."

The song that was starting was one he had heard Renji singing before. He was grateful for the fact that the lyrics were on sheets spread out on the table next to him. He picked the sheet up, but found that he didn't need it…because the words were already there, in Renji's mind. And Byakuya suddenly realized that he must have sung the song a thousand times. He hadn't realized when he started to sing, but he did notice the others had gone quiet and were listening as he warmed up his voice. Byakuya closed his eyes to push away the feeling of being watched, of being in front of anyone, of being noticed. As the words came out of him, he could see images in his mind of those friends he had remembered before. And suddenly, he was more than just sad. He ached for them, having grown up that way. There was no sound now, save for the sound of Renji's voice and the music that lifted it. He knew without opening his eyes that they were staring…and he only hoped that it was a good thing. When the song ended, he opened his eyes and saw the others looking back at him in silence with their eyes wide. Rukia was crying…and the one standing with her, holding her and barely restraining his own emotions was…him…or Renji in his body. He was sure of it now. It was in the way he was holding on to Rukia…the expression, everything. He was surprised no one else had noticed.

"Damn!" Ichigo said softly, "If that was your warmup, our competition is in trouble, Renji. That was…I've never heard you sing it like that before…like…it was…"

"Like it was coming from the heart."

Byakuya was shocked at hearing his voice coming out of another person. He watched as Renji pulled free of Rukia and stepped closer, looking at him. Byakuya met his eyes warily.

"I don't understand," he whispered.

"A voice is suspended on music, but when it comes from the heart it lifts the music."

And Byakuya suddenly remembered those words…the ones he, himself had said to Renji when he had heard Renji practicing in the fukutaichou's room at the sixth division. He'd been struggling to make it sound the way he wanted it to…and Byakuya had heard and stepped in through the open door.

_"I just can't seem to get this part right."_

_"Well," Byakuya said, blinking slowly, "Singing is a skill that must be done from the heart. When you sing, a voice is suspended on music, but when it comes from the heart, it lifts the music…and it enhances the beauty of it."_

And he realized why they were staring. He had been singing from the heart…Renji's. And apparently, Renji hadn't mastered that before the switch. It explained the wide-eyed stares, the looks of wonder, Rukia's tears…everything.

"Taichou," he said softly, "Why are you here? Did you need something?"

Renji looked back at him.

"I do need to speak with you…but I also came…to congratulate you. I know that your group will do well."

"Arigato, Taichou."

"I am sorry," Renji said to the others, "but Renji must return to the Seireitei with me for now. I will help him to work out a practice schedule so that you may prepare."

"Oh, Nii-sama, we'd just started," Rukia complained.

"I understand," Renji said, looking down at her, "but unfortunately, this cannot wait. Come, Renji."

Byakuya stood and followed Renji out of the room. They flash stepped back to the senkaimon, neither speaking, then returned to Kuchiki Manor.

"Where is a good place?" Renji asked.

"Out the back of the gardens," Byakuya suggested, "follow the trail to the lake."

They crossed the garden and passed through the gate. They moved onto the forest trail side by side.

"I think we are secluded," Byakuya said as they walked down the forest trail.

"Okay," Renji said quietly, "so it is you…right?"

"Yes," Byakuya answered, "It is me."

Renji sighed.

"I was worried, you know. I wasn't sure if it was both of us…or what…"

They reached the lake and stood beside the waterfall, watching it rain down into the water below it.

"Well," said Renji, "before we get to the obvious, can I ask you a question? How in the hell did you make my voice sound like that? I've never sounded that good before."

Byakuya paused, staring out over the lake to the grassy meadow below it.

"It was your memories," he said quietly, "You are connected to the memories of your friends when you sing that song. When I saw the memories in my mind, I could sing from the heart…yours. It really was you, Renji."

"If you say so, but I never…wait! You mean you…you know what…You have my memory? How is that possible?"

Byakuya shook his head.

"I don't know. I think memory is both physical and spiritual. It exists in both places."

"Shit," Renji gasped softly, "Then…that means that…you know, doesn't it?"

Byakuya furrowed his brow.

"I know? What is it that you think I know?" he asked.

"You don't know?"

Byakuya sighed.

"Renji…it seems that my connection with your memory is triggered when things happen that are meaningful to you. I cannot simply look anywhere I want. Something has to trigger it."

"So if something happens that triggers my memory, you see it."

Byakuya nodded.

"That seems to be the way it works. I think that it will be the same with you. When things happen that would trigger my memories…you will see them."

"Shit!" whispered Renji.

"You shouldn't say that…not while you are in my body, anyway," Byakuya chided him, I don't talk like that."

Renji seemed not to have heard him. He was staring at Byakuya, as if trying to decide something important. He stepped closer and Byakuya felt his heart quicken,

"Then if you have my memory…and things related to my memory make you see it…it's only a matter of time before you know. So I might as well let you see it now. At least while I'm in your body, you won't be able to kill me for it."

"Renji, what…?"

The next thing he knew, their lips were pressed against each other and a rush of images was flowing into both of their minds. They pulled away and stared at each other with stunned eyes.

"Shit," Byakuya whispered.

Renji pulled him close, chuckling softly, and kissed him again.


	5. Who I am Inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renji's ballad for the competition.

Who I am Inside

_A Spunky Original Song for the Fanfic!_

_(Okay, for those curious about the song Byakuya sang (in Renji's body, of course), here is something I hope you will enjoy. I am a fiction writer, not a lyrist, but when readers ask me for something, I do my level best to deliver!)_

Heaven isn't just a word or place

It's in the loving smile that's on your face

In every step we take, side by side

We may not always walk in light of day

But together, we can find our way

All we need to get there is just time

Don't let the darkness wear you down

When you need love I'll come around

All I need to know is that you're mine

XXXXXXXXXX

Stay (a little longer)

Help me (to grow stronger)

Tell me (what we feel will never die)

Show me (love is tender)

The heart's (sweet surrender)

You're (the only one who sees inside)

Who I am inside

XXXXXXXXXX

Dirty paths we ran down

Friends we've put into that hollow ground

Tears they made us give away

Hearts that were shattered

Dreams we left scattered

Words no one hears, no one can say

But don't let that weight tear you apart

You've always had the stronger heart

We can survive if you just stay

XXXXXXXXXX

Stay (a little longer)

Help me (to grow stronger)

Tell me (what we feel will never die)

Show me (love is tender)

The heart's (sweet surrender)

You're (the only one who sees inside)

Who I am inside

XXXXXXXXXX

Bridge…if this was actually set to music, which I can't do, because I have no talent for it! But you have a good imagination and can imagine lovely solo on electric guitars with sweet backing vocals or something equally pleasant

XXXXXXXXXX

Tomorrow isn't just another day

It's another step along our way

Out of this place to the other side

No more angry words and useless rage

We've found the light and we've turned the page

Built upon our tears, our love, our pride

Remember that I'm always there for you

And when the rain comes down, it takes two

To feed the love that's never died

XXXXXXXXXX

Stay (here with me forever)

Help me ('cause you never)

Tell me (to give up the things I hide)

Show me (love so tender)

The heart's (I surrender)

You're (the one I'll trust to see inside)

Who I am inside

Who I am inside…

Who I am inside…

Who I am inside.


	6. Playing the Part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Byakuya seeks Kisuke's help, while Renji attends a taichou's meeting.

Byakuya pulled away from Renji, turning to look out over the lake.

"We need to focus on getting ourselves back where we belong. Everything else…must wait. Do you understand?"

Renji nodded.

"But that's not a 'no,' right Taichou?"

He reached up to touch Renji's face and was confused by the reality that it was his own face he was touching, his own eyes he was looking into…still, the soul behind those eyes was very different. And Renji's body was responding to Byakuya's kiss. And Byakuya's mind was responding to Renji's kiss. He felt confused and overwhelmed, not ready to deal with anything that was happening. But still, they had to.

"It isn't a 'no,' just a 'let's get back into our own bodies and then ask the question again.'"

"Hai, Taichou."

"You mean, 'Very well then, Abarai fukutaichou.'"

"Very well then, Abarai fukutaichou," Renji repeated, sounding much more like Byakuya.

Byakuya nodded.

"We have to be careful. If anyone hears us speaking incorrectly, they will suspect we've lost our minds…which…isn't far from the truth."

"Although, it's actually more like we've lost our bodies, isn't it, Abarai fukutaichou?"

"Hmm," said Byakuya thoughtfully, "I think you are correct."

"You mean, 'Right, Taichou!'"

"Right, Taichou," Byakuya said, letting a smile crawl onto his face.

"Hey, that's not my smile!" Renji objected, "It's definitely cute, but it's not mine. More toothy, less smug."

"I do not look smug," Byakuya said shortly.

"Yes, you do…and do not say 'do not' and 'cannot.' It's 'don't' and 'can't.' You have to use those…uh…"

"Contractions," Byakuya finished, "Abarai, I think we're in trouble."

"You said it!"

"You mean…'Precisely.'"

"Shit, we're dead!"

Byakuya shook his head.

"We are not dead," he said, placing a hand on Renji's arm.

"If I were you," Renji said in a cold, Byakuya tone, "I would remove that hand before you lose it!"

Byakuya drew back, blinking, then noticed Rukia approaching. He turned slightly so she couldn't hear his comment to Renji.

"I think you would say, 'We're fucked,'" he whispered.

"Screwed would work too!" Renji whispered back.

Renji had to pinch himself hard to keep from laughing.

"Rukia," he said, inclining his head as he had seen Byakuya do when greeting her.

"Nii-sama, I am sorry to disturb you, but a hell butterfly came from Soutaichou saying that there was a taichou's meeting in an hour to discuss the progress at the shinigami base and descriptions of some of the unusual hollows that have been seen there. He needs you to come and describe the creature that attacked you and Renji."

Renji nodded.

"Arigato, Rukia. I shall make a note of that."

"Then…I guess I'll see you at dinner."

"Yes…and Renji will be here as well. He is staying with us while we recuperate from our injuries."

"Oh…that 's great! I'll see you at dinner, Renji!" she said, turning to go, "and just so you know, we're practicing here tomorrow. We're using the small cottage that Nii-sama said I could redecorate. We're going to build our own little studio to practice in."

"W-wow! That's…great," Byakuya managed, "That was…generous of you, Taichou."

"I will see that it is properly soundproofed," commented Renji, "immediately."

Rukia grinned and flash stepped away.

"Okay, I think we did better that time," Renji said, looking after the departing girl, "She didn't seem suspicious this time."

"Oh?" said Byakuya, furrowing his brow, "When was she suspicious?"

"Uh," Renji said uncomfortably, "When I woke up in your body and started yelling and swearing…"

"Ah," Byakuya said, "that would arouse suspicion, I imagine."

"You mean, 'That would do it.'"

"Exactly…"

Tai…Abarai fukutaichou," Renji said, looking at Byakuya, "perhaps we should travel to Karakura Town to seek assistance. I think that if anyone would have a chance of identifying what's wrong with us, Urahara Kisuke might."

Byakuya shook his head.

"I will go to Karakura Town…You will go to the taichou's meeting," Byakuya countered.

"Taichou's meeting?" Renji said, "Oh, you don't mean…I can't stand in a room full of taichous and pretend to be you! They'll know in a second!"

"No, they won't," Byakuya assured him, "Just stand up straight and gaze intently at the bridge of Soutaichou's nose unless you are spoken to, then stare at the bridge of the nose of anyone you have to speak to…and use proper speech."

Renji put a pale hand over his face.

"Augh, I don't feel so good. Can't I just…call in sick or something?" he asked pleadingly.

"Stand up straight," Byakuya hissed softly, "and get going. I am never…NEVER…late. Go!"

"Hai…I mean…I will meet you in Karakura Town, Abarai!" Renji said, flash stepping away.

Byakuya stood for a moment, staring in the direction he had gone.

"Kami…I hope he remembers to change!"

Shaking his head, he flash stepped back to the manor. He nodded approvingly as Renji emerged from his bedroom wearing full regalia.

"Excellent," he said softly, "You look perfect. But how did you figure out the kenseiken?"

"Just lucky, I guess," Renji said shrugging.

"Don't slump and don't shrug," Byakuya corrected him.

"Can I breathe?" Renji asked, annoyed.

"When the meeting ends and you are successful in fooling them all…not unil."

"H…Very well then, Abarai. I am off," Renji said, flash stepping away.

Sighing, Byakuya let himself out of the manor and flash stepped to the senkaimon. He passed into the living world and continued on to Kisuke's shop. He stopped at the door, taking a quick breath.

"What do you want, Moocher?" called Jinta from around the corner, "Go on in. Everyone is inside."

Byakuya shook his head and walked into the shop.

"Ah, Renji!" Kisuke said, smiling, "What brings you?"

"I have a problem," Byakuya began.

"I keep telling you that you should transfer out of the sixth. It would solve a lot."

"Shut up! It isn't him. It's that…"

"Renji!" said Yoruichi from the doorway, "nice to see you! What brings you around this way?"

"Well…I…"

"Renji was just saying he has a problem," Kisuke told her, "He was just about to spill. Go on then, Renji, spit it out!"

Byakuya stared at Yoruichi, then at Kisuke. He couldn't think of a way to explain without…

"What's the matter," Yoruichi said, winking, "cat got your tongue?"

"You would know, Demon Cat!"

The woman's eyes widened. She stepped forward, looking closely at Renji's body. Kisuke's eyes followed her, his eyes curious.

"There's…only one person…who calls me that," Yoruichi said, coming face to face with him.

She looked deeper into Renji's brown eyes and Byakuya felt her reiatsu brush against his. He took a quick breath and stepped back.

"Well," she said softly, smiling at him, "Kuchiki Byakuya, how did you get yourself into this mess?"

"Wha…" said Kisuke, stepping forward, looking more closely and reaching out with his reiatsu.

A moment later, he sensed it as well. He and Yoruichi exchanged glances, hesitated, then burst into fits of laughter. Byakuya crossed his arms and waited, fuming silently as the two laughed uncontrollably.

"You are forbidden to tell anyone!" Byakuya said sharply.

Yoruichi and Kisuke exchanged glances again and laughed harder.

"As if anyone would believe us!" Kisuke roared.

The two continued looking at each other and laughing until finally, Byakuya turned and started back out the door.

"Hey!" said Kisuke, "Don't be offended, Kuchiki Taichou! We couldn't help ourselves! Come on…you've got to admit that it's…well, maybe you don't. Anyway, I'm sorry. We'll try to keep things serious…just…don't sound so much like yourself, you know? It's too funny!"

"I'm glad you both find this so amusing, however, Abarai Renji and I would like to be returned to our own bodies…as soon as possible. And we are going to need your help to do that."

Kisuke cleared his throat and took on a more serious look. Yoruichi bit her lip and muffled a last giggle before becoming serious as well.

"Byakuya," said Kisuke, "I think the first thing we have to do is to figure out what caused this. It's a pretty good case of switched identities. If you hadn't given yourself away, we wouldn't have been led to look so deeply…probably wouldn't have suspected a thing. So…what have you boys been tangling with lately? Could someone from the twelfth have slipped you something in your tea? Has anyone threatened you lately? Has the Women's Shinigami Association been hanging around your manor?"  
Byakuya sighed.

"We've had no contact with the twelfth division, nor have either of us received any threats. The WSA is not allowed anywhere near my manor (although they sometimes invade without an invitation) and I have not seen them hanging around the Squad Six Office."

"Hmm…" Kisuke muttered, "Have you had any meals together?"

"No…except while we were in Hueco Mundo on assignment. We ate together there."

"Okay, let me get a sample of your reiatsu…and we need some from Bya…I mean, Renji, too. Where is he, by the way?"

"He had to attend a taichou's meeting," Byakuya said curtly.

Kisuke and Yoruichi exchanged glances and screamed with laughter again. After a few moments, Kisuke cleared his throat again.

"Ah…erm…so, when he wakes up…I mean, gets out of the meeting, we'll need to have him come to give a sample as well."

Byakuya nodded.

"Now, is there anything else the two of you have in common that might be a factor?" Kisuke asked.

"We were attacked by a hollow," Byakuya said, pulling back the collar of the shirt he wore to expose his injured shoulder. Kisuke studied the wound, then took a small tissue sample.

"All right," Kisuke said, "now we just have to wait for Bya…Renji to arrive."

Byakuya frowned as he and Yoruichi started laughing again.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Hey, Byakuya, wait up!" called Ukitake Taichou, flash stepping to catch up, with Kyouraku Taichou a step behind him, "What's your hurry? I would have thought that, having been injured you would be moving more slowly."

"My injuries were not life threatening," Renji said, trying hard to sound like Byakuya.

"Well, they may not be life threatening, but they must hurt," said Ukitake.

"I am fine," he assured the others.

"Well, that's good to hear…and I hear that Soutaichou is very interested to hear about this creature that attacked the two of you."

They reached the top of the stairs and entered the meeting room. Renji paused staring as the taichous took their places. He realized suddenly that he didn't know where to stand. He remembered bringing an urgent message to a meeting once and thought he remembered seeing Kuchiki Taichou standing next to Kyouraku Taichou. He walked slowly to that place and encountered no objections, and so figured that he had guessed correctly. He breathed a sigh of relief and stood, trying to look in the direction Soutaichou would come from…and to avoid fidgeting. As Renji was one who never stayed still for long, he caught himself fidgeting after a few minutes and had to watch himself carefully until the inner door opened and Soutaichou entered the room.

"Kuchiki Taichou," he said to Renji, "I am pleased to see you were well enough to join us. We will not be here for long, so that you may return to your manor to recuperate."

"No problem, sir."

He felt the others staring.

"I would appreciate that, Soutaichou," he corrected himself.

They were still staring. Renji focused his attention on Soutaichou's nose. He stared intently, and found himself distracted by the creases around it, by the wrinkles around his eyes, by the hell butterfly that flitted in and passed by…

"Kuchiki Taichou?"

"Huh?"

He wanted to slap himself, but held back for fear of making things worse.

"Perhaps your injuries are worse than previously thought, Kuchiki Taichou. You should definitely try to get more rest after our meeting. But for now, tell us about this creature that attacked you and Abarai fukutaichou."

Renji considered the question.

"He was blacker than my hair, bigger than Ganju Shiba, faster than a tornado, claws like knives and breath worse than Ikkaku's after a bender!"

Zaraki Taichou's bells rang merrily as he tried to suppress a chuckle.

Shit!

"Ahem," said Soutaichou, "Erm…very well, Kuchiki Taichou, you are excused. The rest of you will stay…but I fear our colleague was taken from his rest too soon. Go now, Kuchiki Taichou. I will contact you if we need any further information."

Renji forced himself to stand tall, bow gracefully and walk at normal speed as he left, but as soon as the doors closed behind him, he fled for the senkaimon, fearing the healers would already be waiting for him with their needles ready…


	7. The Explanation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renji explains what happened during the taichou's meeting, and then returns to the manor with Byakuya.

Renji felt relief wash over him as he left the senkaimon and stepped into the living world. He turned and flash stepped toward Kisuke's shop, wondering if the former taichou would be able to help them. He hoped, briefly, that being in his body, Kuchiki Taichou hadn't encountered any of Jinta's unpleasantness. He had already been annoyed before and didn't need anything to make the situation worse. Of course, he knew it would get immediately worse upon demanding and hearing Renji's account of the tachou's meeting. But, then, if they were in front of others and still being in Byakuya's body, he was likely to avoid any real unpleasantness. Still, he tried to think of the best way to explain as he reached the shop and stepped inside, ignoring Jinta's open-mouthed gaze as he passed. He rather liked the effect Taichou had on the brat…

Kisuke and Yoruichi's amused expressions, along with Byakuya's frown told him that Byakuya had been successful in explaining what had happened. And he didn't see any big guys with needles, so he had to figure that Kisuke had chosen to believe what he'd been told.

"Ah, you're here!" Kisuke said, trying to suppress a smile, "So tell me, how did the taichou's meeting go?"

Thanks a lot, Kisuke! Do you want him to kill me? 

"Oh, uh, that! It was fine," he said, trying to look like he wasn't scared to death.

He was thankful that Kuchiki Taichou's face, not accustomed to showing fear, simply yielded a frown.

"Fine, huh," Kisuke said, stepping closer and studying him carefully.

Renji was deeply aware of Yoruichi using her hand to hide the smile she couldn't quite contain. Byakuya stood near her, his reiatsu flaring hotly.

"So," said Kisuke, taking a quick sample of his reiatsu, "what did you taichou's talk about? As I recall, those meetings could be a bit tedious at times. It must have been hard to stand still for so long."

"Oh, it wasn't so long. Soutaichou actually excused me early."

Shit!

Byakuya was staring, as if such a thing had never happened before. Kisuke and Yoruichi were staring at each other and holding back their laughter as Byakuya stepped closer, eyeing him suspiciously.

"I'm sure I've never heard of such a thing," Byakuya said in a low, 'just this side of threatening' voice.

Granted, Renji didn't find it nearly as threatening coming from his own body, especially not while he was wielding Byakuya's, but just the same…they were, most likely going to switch back at some point and…

"Abarai," Byakuya said, his voice going frighteningly calm.

Renji had never considered himself to be all that intimidating, but with Byakuya making the most of the narrowing of his eyes, the position of his body and the leaking of hot, red reiatsu, he felt himself take a step back. He heard muffled snickering that rose into a chorus of laughter as the reiatsu around Byakuya flared and Renji stepped back further, swallowing hard.

"Hell, I don't know what's funnier," Kisuke howled, "Byakuya in that body or Renji's body making Byakuya's body shake in its shoes!"

"Ah…Taichou," said Renji tentatively, "maybe we should take this somewhere, uh, more private."

"Right here is fine," Byakuya said in an icy tone, "Now, why don't you tell me what inspired Soutaichou, who just sent two barely recovered officers on a mission to Hueco Mundo on their first day back at work, to excuse you…or rather, me from an important taichou's meeting."

He was almost nose-to-nose with Renji now and Renji could see the pent up fury seething in his dangerously glinting brown eyes.

"It's not the kind of thing he would do," Byakuya explained, his voice deceptively calm, "There would have to be a compelling reason for him to do so. Why don't you tell me what that reason was?"

Renji held his eyes for a moment longer, then his shoulders sagged and he figured that he might just as well get it over with.

"I…I don't think I fidgeted or got too distracted, well, except by Soutaichou's wrinkles…and the hell butterfly, but…"

Byakuya flinched, distracting him.

"But they didn't seem to notice so much until I described the creature that attacked us."

Byakuya's eyes closed.

"Dare I ask," he said, his voice trembling under the force of controlling his fury, "exactly how you described it…Renji?"

"Hair blacker than mine…"

"Yes…"

"Bigger than Shiba Ganju…"

Byakuya reached up to rub his eyes.

"Not exactly how I would have phrased it, but let's just go on…"

"Ah…faster than a tornado, claws like knives and…"

Renji swallowed.

"And?" Byakuya prompted him.

"Uh…uh…breath was bad…"

"Bad?"

"Yeah, bad breath…"

"That isn't all…is it?"

He held the angry eyes for a moment longer, then his shoulders sagged even more and he closed his eyes and forced it out.

"…breath…worse than Ikkaku's after a bender…"

Everything was silent…too silent. Renji opened an eye and got a very rare glimpse of Byakuya made speechless. Kisuke and Yoruichi stared, red faced and only holding back so as not to miss Byakuya's meltdown.

But for the longest time, he just stared into Renji's eyes, open-mouthed and silent. Finally, he closed his mouth, straightened and took a step back.

"You know, Renji," he said quietly, "I am surprised…that they allowed you to leave the room and didn't sedate you and have you removed for observation and psychological analysis."

"I left before they could catch me," Renji said, managing an apologetic smile.

Byakuya nodded solemnly.

"Renji?"

"Hai, Taichou?"

"The next time there is a taichou's meeting…you are to call in sick. And for the remainder of the time you inhabit my body, you do not leave my sight. Do you understand?"

"Hai, Taichou."

He turned to Kisuke, who cleared his throat and swallowed hard.

"If you have no further questions, we are returning to the Seireitei. Let us know when you have some information for us."

Kisuke smirked.

"I'll do that. You two take it easy…and stay out of trouble…if you can."

He and Yoruichi waited until they were just out of hearing range to loose their long-concealed howls of laughter.

"So…ah…Taichou, what do we do now?" Renji asked.

"Stop calling me that," Byakuya said, frowning, "We are returning to Kuchiki Manor and secluding ourselves. I can't afford to have everyone thinking I've lost my mind."

Renji's face fell.

"Look…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to disappoint you, to embarrass you. I really didn't."

Byakuya sighed.

"It isn't your fault," he said quietly, "I shouldn't have made you go to that meeting. You weren't comfortable with the idea and I pushed you into it anyway. It's my own fault."

"But you told me what to do, Taichou. I was just stupid and clumsy. I tried. I really did, but…"

Byakuya stopped and placed a hand on Renji's arm to stop him. He looked down into the gray eyes and found Renji's spirit looking back at him with regret.

"Renji, all that happened was that I asked you to do something that you are not accustomed to doing. You do not lack intelligence and you were not being clumsy. You were just…yourself. You can't help being yourself."

His fingers found several black hairs that had escaped the kenseiken and he brushed them away from Renji's face.

"And despite what happened, I'm not disappointed in you. As a matter of fact, Renji, I find your honesty…the way you show yourself fearlessly to the people around you…to be…pleasing."

Renji stared at him, mystified.

"You…do?"

Byakuya nodded. He looked around to make sure that they were alone in the park they had entered and moved closer to Renji, placing a hand gently on his forearm.

"If you consider my upbringing," he said, the words triggering Byakuya's memories and making them flow into Renji's stunned mind, "and I think you can see it now, then you will know that as a member of a noble family…I am not in the habit of allowing things to escape my control. That makes the thought of living a more free spirited life very enticing. The one thing I enjoy about inhabiting your body is that I am not expected to be in full control. I am allowed that honesty, that sharing of self. You are the more unfortunate, I think, because you are forced to place yourself under controls you are not used to. But you shouldn't take it as a lack of intelligence or ability that causes you to slip up. It took years of…of…conditioning, training and focus for me to learn to contain my impulses. It wasn't fair of me to ask that of you. So, I will avoid doing so as much as possible for the duration of this…experience."

He turned away and started walking again, with Renji following, silent and still inundated with the visions of what Byakuya had endured as a child to learn such discipline. He didn't feel as bad about what had happened at the meeting, but the feeling had been replaced with a sadder one. He felt bad for Byakuya.

The heart that beat beneath that slender white breast was every bit as passionate as his. It had been difficult for him to shut everything away beneath those tight controls, to distance himself from others, to assume such responsibilities as he carried.

It was very different than the life Renji knew.

No one had ever really told him what to do. In Inuzuri, he had just done what was necessary to survive. It had taught him to be strong and fearless, but also to be protective. It had taught him to fight when he needed to, but to enjoy the calm of peaceful times…and to reach out to others, to strive with them for mutual happiness and contentment, even when such things were hard to find. Even once he became a member of the military and had given up some freedom, the trade off had been a more full life and an escape from the constant struggle and hopelessness of a life in Inuzuri.

What Byakuya did, he did to honor his family…out of a sense of duty. And although he had power and status, Renji sensed the restlessness beneath everything, the barely contained desire to be seen as he was and loved for it. The difficulty, of course, was that because of who he was, getting inside, seeing him, knowing him, was something that was not easy to do. But Renji realized suddenly, that he was in the position to make that happen. He was inside Byakuya's body, in touch with his elusive Taichou's memories and emotions. He had a once in a lifetime opportunity and, he decided, he was going to make it count. As he and Byakuya stepped into the entry to Kuchiki Manor, he promised himself that he wasn't going to miss the chance that had been laid at his feet.

"Where are we going?" he asked, then wanted to kick himself.

Byakuya was heading somewhere and trying to lead the way while making it look as though he was leading. They entered a room and Byakuya closed the door behind them. They were, Renji realized suddenly, in Byakuya's bedroom. He met his taichou's eyes questioningly.

"We have been injured and are recuperating. There is an attendant's recess in the corner of the room where I will sleep and you will sleep in my bed."

"But…"

"It is necessary to keep up appearances. It would hardly be acceptable for my body to occupy the attendant's recess in my own room. I assure you, I will be more comfortable there than…"

He stopped himself, realizing what he had been about to say. He saw that despite stopping, the blow had landed. There was hurt in the gray eyes that looked back at him.

"Yeah, I guess being in my apartment was kind of a shock after being so used to this," Renji said in a soft voice.

"That isn't what I meant, Renji," Byakuya said quickly.

"Hey, it's fine. Why would someone like you ever…"

"Renji, it isn't what you think."

Renji stared, realizing suddenly that Byakuya's concern was not what he had expected and feeling guilt wash over him at having misjudged him.

"I didn't mean that there was anything wrong with your apartment. I merely said that because first of all, I am not accustomed to sleeping without clothing and secondly, I do not enjoy having your friends charging in and dragging me out of bed, sans clothing."

Renji had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing. He tried to picture Ichigo and Rukia bursting in on poor Byakuya and couldn't quite suppress a laugh.

It sounded strange to hear Byakuya's voice laughing. Byakuya gazed at him intently, absorbing the sound and wearing a deeply curious expression. He stepped closer and traced the small smile that had risen on the pale, soft lips. His eyes met the smoky gray ones that looked back at him with Renji's spirit beneath them.

"This is what it looks like…when…"

"It doesn't happen very often, Taichou," Renji said, his voice barely above a whisper, "but yeah, this is what you look like when you smile."

The warm fingers curled around and into the black, silken hair as Byakuya pulled Renji closer. For the first time he remembered it ever happening, Renji found himself frozen in place, unable to fidget. He stared into the intense brown eyes, feeling Byakuya's reiatsu swirling around him.

He wasn't sure who finally closed the distance, who initiated the meeting of their lips. He only knew that the feeling of their lips pressing against each other, of their mouths opening slightly to taste each other, stole the breath from him lungs and made his legs weaken beneath him. The brown eyes closed and Renji could feel the collision and connection of their reiatsu as the gentle kiss deepened and became more hungry and passionate. The room had gone silent around them except for the soft hiss as they exhaled against each other's skin. He could feel Byakuya trembling softly and the pressure of their hardened members through their clothing. He felt Byakuya begin to pull away, but ached to have the pleasant exchange continue. His hands took hold of the tanned arms and he turned Byakuya. And the next thing he knew they were falling onto Byakuya's bed. He held his taichou down and kissed him again and again. Open palms pressed against his chest and he looked down into the hazed, unsteady eyes, waiting for the inevitable rejection.

"Renji," Byakuya whispered, watching as disappointment rose into the other's eyes, "We should stop."

Renji sighed, turning his head away, trying to hide his disappointment. Byakuya slid a hand under his chin, turning the dark eyes back to his.

"We should stop because…when we make love, I want for us to be ourselves."

Renji felt his heart skip and his breath catch painfully.

"Y-you…you said…when," he stammered.

He could have died as the warm lips found his again and whispered the sweet words into his mouth.

"Yes…I said when…"


	8. Unprotected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renji learns something deeply personal about Byakuya's past.

Renji gazed across the room at his body resting peacefully in the bed in the attendant's recess and wished that Byakuya had accepted his invitation to share the bed he was in. He hadn't meant it to be a flirtation. He just wanted to feel the closeness of their bodies, the warmth radiating between them. As much as he wanted Byakuya in a sexual way, there was something more intense and sensual beneath that. He just loved being in the presence of that gripping power, of feeling that strong reiatsu wrap around him so hungrily. But most of all, Renji was enjoying the gift of seeing and experiencing Byakuya as no one else ever had before. He was sure there were so many secrets, so many things no one would ever guess about him. But it wasn't like he could just search his taichou's memory. Something had to trigger it to make that happen, so each new revelation was spontaneous, intense and breathtakingly unexpected.

As he drifted of to sleep, Renji heard thunder sound in the distance and the beginning of the rain.

_Byakuya flash stepped down the walkway and into his room, still warmed by the memory of the gathering for the Cherry Blossom festival. Although the incoming storm had slightly shortened the evening's festivities, there was still more to come the next day. And for this night, the manor was not so silent and empty as it had been since his parents died. Now, nearly every room was filled and there were relatives, friends and servants rushing about everywhere. For tonight, he was able to put aside the grief, the ache of loneliness and feel warmth surround him again._

_It had, for the most part, been a lovely day. The arrival of scores of cousins and family friends meant that his grandfather had to be there…and that was always a source of great pleasure. And he had spent a great deal of time preparing Byakuya, reminding him of the proper way to greet everyone and of the importance of presenting himself well. More than the words that passed between them, Byakuya loved being close to him, feeling like there was something of family that still existed for him despite losing his parents._

_He ate sparingly during the day, his mind consumed with each new person who passed through the gates into the manor. After greetings were done, he and Ginrei had traveled the walkways, making sure everyone found their rooms to be comfortable. During the lunch hour, he traveled from table to table, again focusing on making the guests feel well tended to. He hated having to watch as several of his cousins left to swim in the lake, but he didn't want to disappoint his grandfather, so he waited until Ginrei's eyes lifted, until he saw the last of the cousins leaving for the lake, and he nodded briefly, excusing Byakuya to join them._

_Byakuya couldn't flash step fast enough and gaining the lake, he leapt off the edge without slowing. The water was cold and shocked his senses, but everything else around him was delightfully warm. He was surrounded by cousins and the children of family friends, many of them teens, like him, and all of them eager to interact with their future leader._

_One in particular stood out. Her name was Aika and she was a lovely, willowy girl about his age…her late mother a cousin of his father. She rested along the edge of the lake and watched him as he moved among the others, her eyes tracing him, her lips smiling whenever she caught his eye for a moment. And before long, he found himself drawn in her direction. As he approached her, he brushed the hair away from his eyes and felt the impact of her sweet smile, the pretty dark blue eyes and long, wavy black hair. He greeted her as Ginrei expected, though inside he felt a shiver that did not come from the coldness of the water. Her response was as expected and he was careful as the afternoon progressed to remain nearby, but not to appear to single her out. It wouldn't be proper._

_But as the others drifted back toward the house to prepare for the evening's festivities, the two hung back. They stood alone on the edge of the now quiet bank of the river, out of the sight of everyone and gazing warmly at each other. He didn't remember what words passed between them, only that at some point, he had closed the distance between them and pressed his lips to hers, letting his arms circle around her. Her response was tentative and halting, but when he drew back, he found himself enchanted by the pretty blush on her cheeks. He took her hand and they turned to join the others. They had only taken a step or two, when they felt a dark, angry reiatsu swell around them. Their eyes widened as the girl's uncle closed in on them, looking as though he knew exactly what they had been about._

_"Aika," he said sharply, "you are to return to the manor at once!"_

_The girl bowed her head and after a last glance at him, walked slowly away. Byakuya stood, facing the man, the reiatsu rising heavily around them. He sensed that although he was powerful for his age, this man was definitely somewhat more powerful. He met the angry eyes squarely, but said nothing._

_"You should know better," the man began, "that girl is your guest, a lady and you should know that she is not yours to take. You think that just because you are above us that you do not have to follow the rules like everyone else. Well, you might not be subject to the punishments we are when we step over a line, but you will find that there are penalties for stepping on some. Do not trouble my niece again while we are here."_

_He did not wait for an answer, but turned and followed in the direction Aika had gone. Byakuya tried to brush off the incident, but as the evening's festivities ended and the storm rolled in, as the guests closed the doors to their rooms and settled down to sleep, he couldn't help but think about the kiss they exchanged and the veiled threat that followed. He left the doors to his room open so that he could enjoy the sound of the rain as the storm moved closer. He settled down into his bed and drifted on the edges of sleep._

_A thunderclap woke him sometime later and he moved to close the garden doors. As he reached for them, he heard a small sound and followed it down the hall to a door that was slightly ajar._

_"Be quiet," said the low, growling voice, "you need to know your place. And you need to know that you belong to me…Aika."_

_Byakuya felt a wave of anger and revulsion. He started toward the door, but heard the sound of footsteps. He fell into the shadows as the man left the room and passed uncomfortably close to where he was concealed. He waited until her uncle was gone and then slipped silently into the room. Her frightened eyes watched as he approached and he could see tears on her face as the lightning flashed and the rain came down harder. He pulled her to her feet and brushed the tumbled hair away from her eyes._

_"Come with me. I know a safe place we can go where he won't be able to hurt you. And in the morning, we will go to my grandfather. He will know how to handle this."_

_"But you cannot tell anyone! It would bring disgrace…"_

_Byakuya was all too aware that she was right. Even though she, herself, had done nothing wrong, she would be seen as tainted…because of what her uncle had done._

_"My grandfather will know what to do. His squad is on duty during the storm, but he will come in the morning and he will know what to do. Don't be afraid. I won't let you be dishonored."_

_She looked up at him gratefully and her hand tightened on his. He led her out the door and into the storm. They flash stepped through the rain, along the garden path and out the back gate, up the forest trail and down the cliff to the lake. He led her to an almost hidden trail that led to a small cave behind the waterfall._

_Inside, the cave was warmed by a small hot spring. He had inset several hooks in the rock wall and hung towels and some dry clothes for after his soaking. He led her into the water and sat down next to her, careful to maintain a respectful distance. The hot water chased away the cold on their rain-drenched skin and when they were warmed enough, he presented her with a towel and a dry yukata. He turned away and waited as she dressed, then she accorded him the same courtesy. He used a kido spell to heat water for tea and set a cup in her hand, watching as she took a sip, then sat silently, waiting for him to say something. Byakuya considered his words carefully._

_"How did you come to be in his care?" he asked._

_"My parents were killed in a battle with hollows in the living world. I had no other close relatives, so my uncle took me in," she explained, "It was fine for the first few weeks, but then he began to look at me differently."_

_As she continued her story, Byakuya felt fury sweeping through him. That, not just someone of noble descent, but that anyone could act in such a way enraged him. She read the emotion in his eyes and paused._

_"You must be careful," she warned him, "no one else can know. I…don't know what would happen…"_

_"Aika, I won't let anything bad happen to you. We'll stay here until my grandfather comes back. And when he does, he will find a way to get you away from your uncle without dishonoring you. Will you trust me?"_

_She nodded silently and sipped at her tea._

_Byakuya eased the kido spell that lit the room, leaving them in half-light. He sat down beside her and sipped at his own tea. After several minutes, she set down her tea and brought her head to rest on his shoulder. He slipped an arm around her and brought his chin to rest on top of her head. He watched as she drifted off to sleep, then set her down and placed a soft, folded towel beneath her head for a pillow. He watched the entrance of the cave for several hours, watching the flashes of light and feeling the thunder rumble as the rain pounded down outside. He closed his eyes, listening to the sound. Although he had intended to stay awake, he dropped off, lulled by the sound of the rain._

_He woke some time later to the feel of a hand tightening around his throat, cutting off the air and silencing him as he twisted madly and tried to break free. Kido ropes snaked their way around his body and held him still as a low, rough voice assaulted his ears._

_"I told you that she is not yours to take. I warned you…"_

_"You were forcing her to have sex with you! I should kill you for that!" Byakuya gasped, sending a shock of kido through the ropes that bound him._

_They trembled, but held._

_"Lies!" the other insisted, "She is full of lies! But that is no excuse…to bring her here, to…"_

_"I didn't touch her. I was only getting her away from you! But then, you know that, don't you?"_

_He tested the ropes again and felt them loosen._

_"Well, be that as it may. This is improper…and you owe me for dishonoring us with this outrageous behavior…"_

_Some part of him realized what was about to happen, but his mind could not accept it. He threw himself against the bonds holding him as the rough hands moved his clothing out of the way. He felt a heavy shock of pain, then heard a soft, pleading voice begging the man to stop, but the pain continued. He twisted and felt the kido ropes shatter, but the rough hands closed around his wrists and held them down. He managed to tear one hand free and thrust it into the face of the other, sending him rolling away. Byakuya staggered to his feet and threw himself on the man, only to be shoved away._

_"Stop!" Aika screamed, throwing herself onto her uncle._

_He turned swiftly and shoved her hard. The girl lost her balance and fell back, striking her head against the wall and falling into a heap on the floor of the cave. Byakuya saw blood pooling beneath her head._

_Aika's uncle brought his body down onto Byakuya's again, trying to grab his hands as he fell back. He managed to capture one, but one remained free. Byakuya threw everything into one huge, shattering blast of kido. It exploded in the man's face and sent them tumbling away from each other. Byakuya was thrown into the wall of the cave and felt the room darken as his head struck the wall. The last thing he saw was the headless body of the other splashing down into the hot spring and blood blossoming outward to stain the water._

_When he woke, he was in his bed at the manor. Dull light peeked around the closed shades on his garden doors and he could hear that the rain was still falling. He moved slightly and groaned in pain. A shadow fell over him and he found himself looking up into Ginrei's stern eyes._

_"I'm glad you have awakened," he said quietly, "I am not going to ask you what happened in the cave. For the purposes of keeping everyone's honor intact, I have told the guests that a hollow attacked the three of you and killed Aika and her uncle. If you are asked, you will confirm this story and give no details. I know that you must have had good reason for involving yourself in this, but you must remember in the future to safeguard your honor carefully. As the future clan leader, you cannot have suspicion and disgrace fall on you…"_

_"I had to do something. He was…"_

_"I know. I surmised as much from what I found when I discovered you in the cave. But you need to understand that if that story is told, you will be disgraced. You will have suspicion cast upon you. You must trust me. It is better this way…better for your cousin to die with her memory untainted and for no one to know the atrocities he visited upon her…and upon you. He is of little importance and will pass quickly from all memory. That carries its own price. But you will move forward. You will shut this away and forget. You will grow into the greatness that your parents wanted for you. If you cannot do this for your own honor, then do it for theirs. Do you understand?"_

_Byakuya felt the compassion hidden beneath the necessary coldness and bowed his head respectfully._

_"I understand," he replied softly._

_Ginrei nodded and stood._

_"I have to leave on assignment. Our staff will farewell the guests and you will remain here. There will be a healer who will come to tend you until you are well. I will come again when my squad returns."_

_He turned and left the room. Byakuya leaned back against the pillows, listening to the steady pounding of the rain and forcing his heart to quiet. There was no sense in letting the emotions out. It would only cause more damage. It was better, he thought, to sit quietly as he had been told and to let the rain wash everything away._

_But after that, every time the thunder sounded and the rain began to fall, he remembered…_

Renji jumped awake as the thunder sounded again and realized that the garden doors were open and that Byakuya was standing in the garden, staring up into the blackness and watching as the sky lit up with lightning and the thunder cracked and rumbled. He was soaked to the skin and completely oblivious…unaware of anything but the dark sky and that sound…and the rain on his skin. And Renji understood his need for that. But still, Byakuya had a greater need, one that Renji imagined no one else could perceive, let alone fill.

He walked out into the storm, ignoring the rain that drenched his skin almost instantly, and took his place quietly beside Byakuya, waiting and watching until he seemed to regain himself and realize that he wasn't alone. No words passed between them. Renji poured everything into the arms he wrapped around Byakuya and the body that captured his and turned him back toward his room. He allowed himself to be brought back inside, bared and set beneath the warm spray of the shower. The chill faded slowly and when they were warm again, they stepped out into the steam-filled room and dried the water from their skin. Still silent, they dressed and stepped back into the bedroom. Byakuya turned toward the attendant's recess, but as he moved forward, warm arms wrapped around him from behind. Black hair trickled onto his shoulder and soft lips brushed his throat and cheek.

"Trust me," Renji whispered.

Byakuya turned toward him, searching the dark, gray eyes and reading the intent behind them.

He knows…

He saw it…

He didn't know how to feel about suddenly not being alone with that cold truth. But the arms around him were warm and inviting. He allowed them to pull him down into the bed and gather him close. No further words were necessary. It was enough, Byakuya decided, to settle against a warm shoulder, to let the emotions wash away with the rain and to know that he wasn't alone.


End file.
